Is My Partner Toxic? (Red Flags Quiz)

Twenty statements describing observable behaviours from a partner: checking your phone without permission, getting angry when you spend time with friends, gaslighting, public criticism, financial control, isolation from your support network. You answer how often each one happens, never to often, and the score categorises behaviours into Control, Manipulation, and Respect patterns. The output is a count of red flags by category and an overall risk indicator.

We did not invent any of these warning signs. They come from established frameworks for identifying coercive control and abusive relationships, including the work of organisations like Refuge, Women's Aid, and the Power and Control Wheel originally developed in Duluth, Minnesota in 1984. Coercive control became a criminal offence in England and Wales in 2015 under Section 76 of the Serious Crime Act, and the behaviours covered in this quiz are the same patterns the law was written to address.

More than three or four red flags marked as "often" or "always" is a serious indicator that the relationship contains controlling or abusive dynamics, regardless of how the rest of it feels. People in coercive relationships frequently underrate their own situation because the abusive patterns develop slowly and become normalised. Seeing the behaviours listed plainly, in writing, often clarifies what was hard to name.

A low score does not mean a relationship is perfect. Healthy relationships can still have communication issues, occasional conflict, and frustrating habits. The quiz is specifically tuned to coercive and abusive patterns, not to general relationship quality. If you scored low but feel something is off, that feeling is also valid information.

Three resources, all UK-based and free. Refuge runs the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247, 24 hours a day. Women's Aid has live chat support at chat.womensaid.org.uk. Men's Advice Line for men in abusive relationships is 0808 8010 327. All three are confidential and you do not have to be in immediate crisis to call.

If you are in immediate danger, call 999. If you cannot speak, you can press 55 to be transferred to a silent solutions service. None of these will pressure you to take any specific action; they will help you think through what is going on, on your timeline. Leaving a controlling relationship is hard and statistically the most dangerous moment, which is why these services prioritise safety planning over telling people what to do.