Attachment Style Quiz
Discover your attachment style — Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, or Fearful-Avoidant. 20 questions based on Bowlby & Ainsworth's attachment theory with shareable results card.
I find that other people don't want to get as close as I would like.
What Attachment Theory Actually Is
Attachment theory was developed by John Bowlby in the 1950s and refined by Mary Ainsworth's 'Strange Situation' studies in the 1970s. It started as a framework for understanding how infants bond with caregivers and was later extended to adult romantic relationships by Hazan and Shaver in 1987. The four adult styles, secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganised, describe consistent patterns in how people approach closeness, conflict, and the fear of abandonment.
Population estimates from large adult samples typically run roughly 60% secure, 20% anxious, 15-20% avoidant, and around 5% disorganised (sometimes called fearful-avoidant). These distributions hold up surprisingly well across cultures, though the 'standards' for what counts as secure shift slightly with cultural norms around independence and emotional expression. This quiz scores you across all four styles and shows your dominant pattern with a percentage breakdown.
What Each Style Looks Like in Practice
Secure people are comfortable with closeness and with space, can regulate emotion under stress, and don't take normal relationship friction as evidence the relationship is doomed. Anxious-preoccupied people crave closeness, get destabilised when partners pull back even briefly, and tend to monitor the relationship for threat signals. Avoidant-dismissive people prize independence, struggle with vulnerability, and tend to retreat when partners push for more emotional engagement.
Disorganised (or fearful-avoidant) people show contradictions: they want closeness and fear it simultaneously, often because of inconsistent or frightening early caregiving. The styles aren't fixed personality types; they're patterns shaped by early relationships and continually updated by new ones. A long-term relationship with a secure partner can shift an anxious or avoidant attachment over time, sometimes substantially.
Quick Comparison of the Four Styles
| Style | Comfort with closeness | Comfort with independence | Typical population |
|---|---|---|---|
| Secure | High | High | ~60% |
| Anxious-preoccupied | High (sometimes craved) | Low | ~20% |
| Avoidant-dismissive | Low | High (sometimes excessive) | ~15-20% |
| Disorganised | Mixed/contradictory | Mixed/contradictory | ~5% |
How to Use Your Result
The quiz is a self-reflection tool, not a diagnosis. The most useful thing you can do with a result is read about the style with a partner, friend or therapist and notice which descriptions feel uncomfortably accurate. People who do well with attachment work tend to start with curiosity ('that's interesting, where did this pattern come from') rather than with shame ('I'm broken'). Anxious and avoidant patterns are extremely common; you're not unusual.
If your result genuinely surprises you or you're struggling in relationships, this is the kind of work a couples or individual therapist can help with. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) directory lists therapists who explicitly work in attachment. Also see the [Communication Style Quiz](/communication-style-quiz) for an angle on how you handle conflict, which is closely related to attachment style.
Disclaimer
This quiz is for self-reflection and education only. It is not a clinical diagnosis. The four-style framework is well-established in psychology, but no 20-question quiz can capture the full picture of your relational history. If you're struggling with anxiety, intrusive thoughts, or distress in relationships, speak to your GP or a qualified therapist.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can my attachment style change?
Yes, more than people often think. Long-term relationships with secure partners, individual therapy (especially attachment-focused or schema therapy), and life events like becoming a parent can all shift attachment patterns over months and years. Around 25-30% of people show measurable style change over a 5-year window in longitudinal studies. The pattern most resistant to change tends to be disorganised, which usually needs structured therapeutic work.
What is the most common attachment style?
Secure, by a clear margin. Around 60% of adults in studies score primarily secure. The next most common is anxious-preoccupied at roughly 20%, then avoidant-dismissive at 15-20%, then disorganised at around 5%. These numbers shift slightly by sample, age and country but the rough order is consistent.
Is anxious or avoidant 'worse'?
Neither. Both are insecure styles that come with their own characteristic relationship friction. Anxious people tend to over-engage and struggle with reassurance-seeking; avoidant people tend to under-engage and struggle with intimacy. Anxious-avoidant pairings are particularly fraught (the classic 'pursuer-distancer' pattern) but neither style is inherently broken.
Can two anxious or two avoidant people have a relationship?
Yes, though both pairings have characteristic challenges. Two anxious people can spiral into mutual reassurance-seeking that exhausts both. Two avoidant people can drift into parallel lives with very low intimacy. The healthiest insecure-insecure pairings tend to involve both partners being aware of the dynamic and working on it together rather than blaming each other.
Is the quiz a diagnosis?
No. This is a self-reflection tool drawing on Bowlby and Ainsworth's framework, not a clinical assessment. Validated research instruments include the Experiences in Close Relationships scale (ECR-R) and the Adult Attachment Interview (AAI), both of which require trained administration. Treat the result as a starting point for thought, not a label.
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